What does it mean?
by CatharsisInBlue
Summary: Implied Sesskag! Kagome realizes how much her life has changed,the experiences she's gone through, and the love she's found. R and R Kind of Angst. Little Inuyasha bashing.


Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, or any characters related to it.

XxsuicidalxX- My first loaded Sess/kag story! It's only implied sess/kag, but…I thought it was pretty good….so…here we go!

There are certain things, I think, mankind was never meant to understand, certain things than only Deities know the answer to. Humans and humanoid creatures alike have been given gifts or talents, that no other beast or animal on this planet can't obtain. Why these things weren't given to other creatures, we don't know, but…then again, we don't know how to explain many of the talents we have. I look up out of our bedroom window, it's raining outside. The view is spectacular, for it over looks the garden. Flowers and trees, squirrels and bees, they're all out there. The vegetation welcomes the rain- it needs it. I'm sure that the many small animals welcome it too, although it drives them to shelter. A flute like voice catches my ear; it turns my head toward the pine tree not too far away. I see it- ah, a mother bird feed her young, and sits in the nest, keeping them warm. Tell me mother bird; do you feel sadness, depression, pain…happiness, joy…love? Do you cherish your young, do you feed them because you care and love them? Or is it your instinct to do such a thing? Yes, it's instinct, it must be. After all, once they're ground and gone, you will not feel a pinch of pain in realizing that they will never come back to you. Pain, emotional pain, not physical. All that lives feels physical pain, even the plants and spirits that roam the planet. Emotional pain is reserved for those of us who have higher standing on the earth. Trust me, through out my seventeen years of living- or dying (depending on your point of view); I have felt much of this. Unfortunately it does not end there; it leads to sadness, grief, depression. Of course, mine did the unthinkable; it led to more than I even thought it could. It led to love. I ask you, why do you love someone? What leads you to love them? Many will say 'I love the way she thinks' or 'he's so sweet.' Don't people understand? That's not why you love them, that's what you love about them! After all, even the most horrid of people are loved, or have been loved. I once loved somebody like that.

"Inuyasha…" I whisper his name. Out of the two years I spent with him, I love him for one and a half. Everything I could think of, I did for him. "Everything…he was my life." And all I got in return was my feelings hurt, and my soul crushed. I got a compliment every once in a while, if that counts. I wish I could say he broke my heart, that would have been a lot easier to deal with. Instead mine was torn, piece by piece-insult by insult. My heart was not broken into twos, or fours, or sixes. It was torn by his own hands into oh so many little pieces. I'm afraid some of them are missing. He left me for another, a woman, a beautiful one at that, but…she was lifeless. A mere shell of a woman. I kid you not; even her flesh was not of skin and meat, but of dirt and clay. She spoke no kind words, none at all. He was suppose to be a priestess, who is known for their pure hearts, yet she had no heart. I knew he was with her too, but still I loved him. I also knew it wouldn't be able to take it for long. Of course, as I suspected, my human limitation caught up with me. I watched as he confessed his undying love for her, and held her tenderly. I couldn't take it. That night, I ran away. I left everything behind and sprinted. What was I trying to escape? The pain he caused? It did no good. I still felt it. I could have been worlds away, and still felt it. The next couple of months, I spent back at home, recovering. Till this day, I am not fully recovered. I notice this as my hand is now clutching at my heart. IT couldn't end like this, I wouldn't let it be the end of me, so I returned. Facing him was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. He looked at me, I looked at him. His eyes showed something I had never seen in them before, - regret. My eyes held emotions, to many to name. The one, that over powered them all, was love. "Kag-" He had said, trying to say my name, but I stopped him by placing my finger over his mouth. After I was sure he would not talk, I remember staring at his necklace. It bound him to me, bound me to someone who did not want me to be bound to him. At that point I had snatched it of his neck, and one at a time watched the beads fall to the dirt floor. He stood there, shocked. I stood there, finally complete. Now, no part of me belonged to him, not even my words. I had no control over him. "Good bye, Inuyasha." By this point I was crying, not only in my memory, but now. The wet hand resting in my lap named this valid. "But Kagome, I lo-" No! I covered his mouth with a finger, he doesn't Kagome, and he doesn't. "You don't." I said, and shook my head at him. I knew not his expression, for I turned and walked away. Kikyo, that woman, will forever hold apart of me, and I will let her. They will live together. Though, I'm afraid it won't be happily. I smile, and wipe the remaining tears from my eyes. What does it mean to love someone? Surely, there personality, characteristics, and looks have a part in it, but what truly determines if you love someone? Maybe this…is one of those gifts we are never meant to be able to explain. I don't know…

The mother bird's voice once again rings in my ears, I drift my eyes over toward her again. He nuzzles her young, and looks at me, as I look at her. It was strange; it was as if she understood everything. She blinks, and goes back to nuzzling her young. 'She does love them.' I understood. She will let them fly, as I have let him. Her children will never leave her heart, he will never leave mine. Maybe she will have more children next spring.

"What bother's you, love?" Strong arms wrap around my waste, long hair falls over my right shoulder.

"Nothing, My Love."

"Let's go to bed, tomorrow is a new day." Silver hair shines and glitters as he turns around, and climbs into bed, waiting for me. "Okay." I whisper. Taking one last glance at the bird, I sigh. I walk over to the bed, looking at my husband. "What's wrong, Love?"

"Nothing, My Love." I smile. Yes, she will start over. Just as I have. I have found love again, why can't she? Pulling the covers over myself, I nuzzle into him, his arms instinctively wrap around me. What causes love? I don't know. I have found it again, though, in the arms of his brother. This time, instead of my heart being torn, I fell it being sewn. Somehow the missing pieces have been replaced. I don't think- I know, it will not tear again. "Good night, Love." He whispers and falls into sleep. "Good night, My love." I reply, and join him. What does it mean to love someone? I don't know. It doesn't matter though.

I've found it again.


End file.
